My family is trying to comes to terms with the loss of a loved one. It's funny how people have their own ways of grieving. The men of the family generally did not show much emotion though the younger ones did break down on the day of the cremation. They kept themselves busy by finding little jobs to do, just so that they never had the time to sit down and actually let reality sink it.
My aunts on the other hand, were inconsolable. Which one could understand seeing as how they had just lost a sister. As for myself, I felt like an outsider looking in at the whole scene. I was there when she drew her last few breaths, I cried like everyone else in the room but because I could feel their pain.
At the wake, I felt like I was in a dream, at times I broke down, other times I gave comfort to whoever needed it. Now that everything is over, I'm finally feeling my grief. It has only been 4 days, I'm gradually getting more sleep at night but I go about the day with a heavy heart and an unsettled feeling inside. Friends and family have assured me that she is now at peace which I do believe as well, but her last few moments still haunt me.
I had to deliver her eulogy and I stayed up all night the previous day writing and re-writing it so that it would do her justice. It was one of the hardest speeches I ever had to make but I got through it without breaking down and I knew she would have been proud of me.